be mine…
i held in my hand a tiny sugared heart. be mine, it read. it is february and every imaginable surface is littered with hearts. pink ones. red ones. tiny ones. frosted ones.
as i clutched this candy in my fist i could think only of one broken heart. the broken heart of bella grace xue (baby zuzu) in china. we have been pursuing the adoption of this little girl since last summer. her heart which is riddled with disease and damage makes our pursuit seem only more desperate some days. this little girl, abandoned at 5 months, was left with only a blanket, a note and a broken heart. we weep for that. at times we feel like greedy and impatient children. we want to rush over to guangzhou city china and rescue bella grace and her sick heart.
we want her to, be mine.
we want to stamp our feet and clench our fists and demand she, be ours, now. but there is paperwork to finish and approvals to receive and unruly ducks to get in a line.
at times we feel out of control and ridiculously unqualified. we have four biological children and four million commitments pulling us every which way. we are ill equipped and clearly understaffed. somedays we seem to be wrapped only in our fraility and fear, looking to make a mad dash for the door.
but we don’t. we don’t because this is about something more than us. it is even about something more than our love. it is about God’s love. and we are reminded at these moments when we want to demand and insist and panic….
we are reminded that She is His. before she will ever be ours, she belongs first to Him. this makes all the difference. it is what makes us bold and determined. it is what brings us peace, and on good days, patience. we know baby zuzu belongs to God and He is the one whispering gently in her ear, be mine.
He has kindly invited us along on the journey, for that we are grateful and thankful, if not a little frightened. this morning i sit here with this tiny confection heart in my helpless hand. i am comforted knowing God has promised to hold our little girl in the palm of His big and mighty hand. and this february, whether the hearts are candy or chocolate, tiny or large, healthy or broken, i hear the soft and reassuring whisper of His voice, she’s mine.
McNatts from Perimeter Church on Vimeo.